I Am The Worlds Worst Blogger

Its true I am dreadful at keeping this thing updated. That is one of a handful of things I am changing in the coming days, weeks, and months.

Tonight/this morning was one of those times when you know you will look back one day and realize this is where your whole life changed. I am not really ready to get into detail about the whole thing yet. Suffice to say I am okay and Nicki is fine. So Dad you can relax reading this. There is no baby or anything like that. Just time for some changes in life. I am gonna use this blog to hopefully help get through what I imagine is going to be a tough road. I wrote on my Twitter feed that I was tired of not being in control of things in my life. I accept that I can't control everything but there are plenty of things that I can control that I currently do not have a handle on. So tonight is step one of fixing that. Time to rise up and do work! There are going to be rough patches and I will probably stumble. I might even fall but it is time to stop hiding behind what is easy. They say good writers borrow and great writers flat out steal...well I am no great writer but I am going to steal straight from the greatness that is Jimmy Dugan (A League of Their Own) "Its supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard everyone would do it. The hard...is what makes it great!"

The hard is what makes it great is how I am gonna try and look at the next journey of my life. I am tired of being a fuck up. I am tired of letting people down. I am tired of being a disappointment. Some might say I am not these things but this is what I am to myself and it is what I want to change. I think I might finally be ready to fix me. I have never been able to figure it out but I have found the one person who can get through to me and who's help I am ready to accept. The help has been there many times but as been said a million time before and will likely be said a billion more...'you can't help anyone that isn't willing to help themselves.'

So this is where I am right now. For the handful of people that will read this I am sure its pretty clear what is going on and as I get more comfortable with talking about it I will make it even more clear to those that might not. I honestly have no idea why I am writing all of this other than to to just get it out. Change seems to work a lot better for me if I just put it out in the universe so there we go. Here is to the start of new things and to unknown possibilities.

Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see the beauty, believe in them and try to follow where they lead.
-- Louisa May Alcott

Talk soon